Don't Play............

One of the hardest things to do in life is to forcibly compromise your true self.  I'm not talking about letting someone pass you in a lane or skip you on a line; rather I'm referring to changing who you are, you're true innate self.  From first hand account I can tell you its hard, but at times its necessary especially from a work professional standpoint. 

Typically I'm a fun person, I love and I mean love to "cut up".  I try to have a good time where ever I go whether its church, a social gathering and even work.  But recently things changed for me at work.  While I enjoy having fun with my co-workers and my bosses, yes there's more than one, a recent experience made me feel otherwise.  As in the Brady Bunch song, "here's the story".

One of the directors who I frequently have conversations including "joking" around, nothing to serious and never disrespectful recently interrupted a conversation between me and a co-worker.  She did so by quickly stating "oh here I go being rude interrupting y'alls (yes she said y'alls I live the in South, lord help me) and then turned to me and said "ok smarty I know you have something clever to say" and laughed.  She was right I had something to say since I thought this was an invitation to speak.  So I said, "of course you're interrupting we expect nothing more" lol.  Her response while she too was laughing was "hey, don't forget I have a "D" in front of my name.  BTW - the D is for Director.  First of all with my smart mouth I wanted to say is "D" for Dick because you're sure acting like one.  Instead, I chuckled with her and said "I hear ya" and walked away.  She never knew what hit and trust she thinks things are still the same, but I know different.

See her "D" comment although said in "joking" way was a subtle attempt at letting me know you can joke with me but I'll always win because of who I am.  For me conversational banter is a two-way exchange but yet for this individual she's OK with it as long as she can throw her title as a shut down move.  Personally I think it's a punk move that defies the whole "we'll really a team" concept.  You can't call yourself a team and behave in a hierarchical mode when it suits you.  That's not being a Director that's being a spoiled "mean girl" brat!  However, for me it was a revelation to shut it down.  Going forward I have to put things into perspective and treat work as "work", which means my arrival is to work, put on my headphones and only speak when needed professionally.  It's a stark contrast to who I am and I truly hate it.  But when I balance the evils of this change, the consequence of the hood in me to break on my boss far outweighs me keeping quiet.  The good part is me keeping quiet will give me a great insightful perspective of my surroundings which means more Blacktina articles, bear with me :)

Peace out,
Blacktina