Lena Dunham –WTF?!?!!?

Almost everyone I know has had the “curious” cousin or family friend who tried to kiss or touch you during the child game of family.  When these occurrences happened a couple of things proceeded; 1) you ran and told your parents and 2) somebody got a whipping.  Case closed! Usually the outcome was so bad for the individual they were talked about for months and not trusted to be alone with anyone.  This is how I grew up and how  my family dealt with these types of things.

Apparently, according to Lena Dunham other families may act differently, as evidenced in her new book, Not that Kind of Girl in which she described three sexual acts with her younger sister.  See quotes here. In my opinion the most disturbing aspect, is not the acts themselves but the lack of parenting.  If I caught my 7 year old opening my 1-year-old daughter’s vagina, I would have spanked the hell out of her.  This would be an opportune time to teach your child about not violating others.  Whether at 7 or 70, unless you have express permission to open up my vagina, you shouldn’t touch it.  If the excuse lies on “curiosity”, the parents still should of treated this as a teaching moment coupled with discipline.  As the old saying goes, curiosity killed the cat.  In this instance it would have killed her so-called explorations that continued throughout the years.

It is not uncommon for children to be sexually curious even at the age of 7.  After all we see our parents sleep in the same bed, closed doors, and we all have heard the creaking of a bed and perhaps a moaning.  After a while you figure they’re not playing checkers and yes you wonder what’s it like.  There is nothing abnormal about wondering. What’s abnormal is when you see a child spread someone’s legs and open a vagina and pretend this is standard behavior. This type of behavior may manifest itself into adulthood, which at this point may equate to a child predator.  By no means do I think Ms. Dunham is predator rather she was curious child.  However, by publishing this memoir and being the voice of the millennial generation, is she giving permission to say, it’s OK for your young child to be that sexually curious to the point of violating others?  Is she also willing to take responsibility for those curious children who may turn into adult predators, all because the voice of this generation said it’s OK!  I doubt Lena Dunham wants to have the ills of society on her shoulders.  But, she needs to understand her celebrity and voice have power, to jokingly minimize these acts can spiral into a resonating delusion that these practices are acceptable. 

These excerpts from Lena Dunham’s book should make your skin crawl.  Being the comedic writher that she is, I’m sure this wasn’t her original intent.  It is clear that Ms. Dunham’s upbringing lacked self-control; rather she was raised to be free, open and told this was OK. Some things are not OK, and require discretion aligned with consequences. Perhaps her parents may not have taught her this, but it’s apparent based on the outpouring of rage the media and American public will!

Peace out,
Blacktina

Trayvon Martin is Alive!

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the past 2 years, we all know Trayvon Martin died at the hands of an overzealous racist.  Although Trayvon is physically gone, he does still live on in each and every black child. Here's an example of how and why. 

Yesterday afternoon my teenage daughter had a mini pool party at our community pool.  We live in a subdivision and pay nearly $300 a year in HOA fees. I refer to this party as mini, since there were only around 15 teenagers in attendance, no music, no sneaking in alcohol and no profanity. Usually there is only one attendant at the pool; however on this day there was anywhere from 3-5 attendants.  These attendants didn’t arrive until they started seeing a number of teenagers.  I thought to myself, there is nothing unusual about teenagers.  But, on this occasion there was a difference.  These teenagers were mostly black.  As soon as the numbers started to increase so did white flight out the pool and the increase of white pool attendants arrived.  

These attendants had their eyes on my daughter and her friends, who stood on their side of the pool and only conversed amongst each other.  Any sudden movement by the party members caused the attendants to react and walk over to them multiple times.  In one instance while playing with water balloons, one attendant rushed up and told a girl to stop. The girl agreed and said she’ll throw them away.  Instead, the attendant insisted, by accosting the girl by pulling her arm, snatching the balloons, which ultimately broke in her hands.  At this point I had enough and so did the few African American adults in attendance.  In unison some approached the pool attendants, while others approached the kids and recited the infamous speech of  “stay calm, and don’t react with hostility”.  In speaking with the pool attendants, I asked following:

1) What’s up with the 5 attendants when there’s usually only 1? 

2) And are my daughter and her friends being racially profiled? 

Immediately the response was “Oh No, we’re just here to make sure everyone has a good time.” My reaction was we usually can, but today we’re being watched like something out of Persons of Interest. I went on to say, “I see a group of kids trying to have a good time, but for some reason YOU see a MOB.”  Furthermore, this lady who apparently may have some “Klan” gear in her closet had no right accosting this young lady, who was clearly cooperative.  If the young lady would of defended herself, Klan Queen over here would of claimed Stand Your Ground and we all know that can result in murder.   

I know a pool party may seem trivial compared to the death of Trayvon Martin, but so was his death over a perception (i.e. hoodie and skittles). As a mother of a black daughter I always thought she was safe, unlike our young black men.  Yesterday taught me she isn’t safe; and a lesson to all, if we feel we’re being discriminated, speak up, say it.  As a people we need to be color brave to those who are color blind.  Take a look at Mellody Hobson's Ted Talk and her experience of being discriminated based on pure perception. 

While this incident was disturbing, I found myself feeling justified about how I confronted the issue.  There was no yelling or cursing, just pure honest conversation about my perception of their reactions.  In all honesty, this conversation was liberating to all those involved.  Facing fears and uncovering untruths allows us to open the doors of compromise and conversation.  For the remainder of the party my daughter and her friends were left un-bothered; furthermore I received an apology from the HOA regarding this incident.   Don't get me wrong folks, this isn't a total cumbaya moment, but it's start!

Peace Out
Blacktina

The Generational Gap - When Does it Age Out?

We often hear how this millennial generation is one of entitlement, fast spaced and is accustomed to many spoils which some may say leads to the unconventional modern employee.  Basically millennials' are the WTF generation who takes no crap, and will do as they please when they please as long as the job gets done!  Being labeled as Generation X I do tether on both the Baby Boomer and Millennial end until recently in which I think my so called balancing act is kind of swaying towards team Millennial and here's why.

By trade I am a Learning and Development professional which means I'm a strong proponent of growth and development, no shock there.  Recently I've been assigned a project to re-structure an Executive Training Program.  This program is geared to recent college graduates seeking retail management positions.  During the planning phase I included retail management seminars but also seminars geared to understand the life cycle of merchandise, the role of the corporate office and leadership development skills; afterall these people will be in management which will mean they will be leading.  As the re-structured program was viewed by leadership, the following comment was uniformly shared amongst these individuals "I don't want these trainees knowing anything else except retail, if we show them anything about corporate, they'll want to leave and join the corporate office".   It took me a minute to let the statement resonate and unfortunately I don't have a poker face so everything pretty much showed what I was feeling.  So rather than play coy, I just had to ask why?

The response for a lack of a better word was RIDICULOUS.  These "Leaders" said they have a fear of college kids who feel entitled.  To them it was insane that these young adults did not want to work on  weekends, and holidays (including Thanksgiving).  In reality who the hell wants to work on weekends and on Thanksgiving especially after I've completed four years of college and have mounting student debt.  Furthermore, their rationale was once they get a sense that there's something else out there they would want to leave, so it would be best not to expose them.  When was the last time you heard of a college graduate not being exposed; one word to defy this, Internet!  The first thing I could think of was the word oppression and a sense of keeping a group down; being a Blacktina I can relate.  As I evaluated their responses I couldn't help but notice they called the management trainees, kids; that alone means they aren't being respected.  Secondly, how can we be a Learning and Development culture and you have a fear of growth opportunities? The sentiment alone contradicts the body of work you so admiringly have pursued as your passion.  And then it hit me, it wasn't about being a Learning and Development professional, it was about being OLD!

The fear factor during this meeting was displayed by those who have been with the company 20 years plus and they weren't 40.  The average age in this meeting ranged from 40-62.  The one's in the 40 range you could tell were baffled, but those 50 and 60 year olds, good lord they meant what they said and wanted like hell to stay that way.   Adjectives like spoil, smarty pants, arrogant were all thrown out to describe these college recruits.  With the obvious resentment towards this generation I had to ask why are we recruiting them.  The answer was simple, we are a progressive organization.  I almost died! LOL.  Really!?!?! You're progressive but you're scared to let them see anything other than what they're here for.  It took all of me to say get the f*ck outta here with that bullshit! But I think my poker face showed it all.

As the meeting adjourned my boss who's also a sistah and around my age understood my frustration and applauded me for quickly recovering.  She then suggested that I "crawl" rather than challenge this group.  Basically spoon feed them only a little cause they ain't ready.  While I appreciated her advice I was pisst the f*ck off.  Why do I have to "crawl" and take it easy? Is it out respect? Is out of fear that I'll be deemed troublesome? Why can't these Boomers see their antiquated methods have aged out?!?! Coincidentally the reasoning to restructure this program was due to it's attrition rate of 32%, considerably low compared to other retailers.  Unfortunately, to this group the reason for such failure is the perception of millennial entitlement.  Their perception and control makes me really wonder who's the entitled group now?

Peace Out,
Blacktina

Be Careful Calling Yourself "Hov"

Ingenious to cryptically call yourself God and have billions of followers respect you as the same.  I'm talking about rap great Jay Z aka Hov, or Hova.  For those who don't know Hov (Hova) is derived from the God name of Jehova.  When I first heard this back in 2002 I was like damm, dude is smooth who would of thought!?!?! However, Mr. Hov's actions of late do not seem very godly like!

Jay Z like other countless hip hop moguls have partnered with a high end store, in this case Barneys.  When was the last time someone from your hood said I bought this from Barneys, just saying.......Granted his partnership is to benefit the Shawn Carter foundation for the socio economic under privilege.  According to Hov he's not making a dime off this venture.  Yet its been highly publicized, his new line is debuting on November 20th.  When I first heard of this partnership I was like OK here we go, you'll tote that you're still all that, you're hood, blah, blah and if you don't believe me just listen to his music.  But if you're still in touch then you should know we don't shop at Barneys or any of the exclusive high end retail.  Hell even Oprah gets profiled in these stores.

But despite what he says he has a right to partner with whoever and if it's for the benefit of the under privilege what better way to do this than with an expensive ass store such as Barneys.  And let's be fair Jay Z is not the first to bullshit his love for the hood and put out apparel, gadgets, etc. that your average hood person couldn't afford except for the drug dealer.  (Read my article about my open letter to Steve Harvey regarding Sean Combs, written a few years back  http://blacktina.wordpress.com/?s=Steve+Harvey&submit=Search).  However this is where it gets murky; Barneys recently discriminated against two young African Americans, they did so by having two undercover "toy cops" stop them outside the store and bring them back in for interrogation.  The toy cops and most likely Barneys as a whole were not convinced that these two individuals could have legally purchased a $300 belt and a $2500 bag.  Barneys proceeded to check their debit cards and hold them to verify no fraud was committed.  In all due respect does it seem crazy to anybody that an establishment now stops paying customers?!?!  Stores usually don't do this, but if you're black there's a strong possibility you're suspect.  The question to Jay Z then begs, how are you going to continue a partnership with a business that discriminates the very same people your foundation is trying to help?

Before I began writing this article and opening up a can of worms, I decided to research the foundation.  The Shawn Carter foundation is headed by Jay Z's mother and provides scholarships in the range of $1500 - $2500, a drop in the bucket for Jay.  When looking at the site most of the recipients are of African American descent which is no surprise since whenever the underprivileged is mentioned its usually us.  What came next was Jay Z's comment which again wasn't a surprise to me but thank the real God it's hopefully an eye opener for others, especially our somewhat blinded youth.  Jay Z stated he won't make a snap judgment, he too has been profiled and empathizes with those who have, but as of now he will continue business with Barneys; raised eyebrows here.  You have been profiled you know what it feels like but yet you'll do business with them.  This is like saying yeah the KKK hung my family, I get it but I'll work with them to benefit my business.  OK maybe Barneys is not the KKK but you get the point.  When does anyone of color (celebrity status) stand up and say Fuck that!  I mean he could of lived up to his "Hov" status  and issue a statement to Barneys requiring them to  change their practices.  I would of accepted him saying he would continue the partnership with the contingency that Barneys up their diversity training, review discriminatory practices, etc.  But he said none of that.  What Hov proved to many of us is he's not God, he is man and like many his morals are compromised by greed. 

I hope his actions opens up the door to our communities that we must make these profiled people accountable.  No longer can they say it's not my job, on the contrary it is your job.  Whether you like it or not you've become a messenger who bridges the gap between cultures.  When you show you don't give a fuck why should we give a fuck about you!  For the most part I strongly believe the 40 and older are hipped to his shit already, it's the young and impressionable I'm concerned about who follow him as a true God.  Listen young people always know if someone or some establishment doesn't like you due to the color of your skin then you have no business ever spending your money there.  Learn this don't give your green to those who don't respect your black and this also goes to Mr. Jay Z aka Hov, make him accountable youngoens, his time has come!

On a side note: Nas would have NEVER done that shit!

Peace out,
Blacktina

Don't Play............

One of the hardest things to do in life is to forcibly compromise your true self.  I'm not talking about letting someone pass you in a lane or skip you on a line; rather I'm referring to changing who you are, you're true innate self.  From first hand account I can tell you its hard, but at times its necessary especially from a work professional standpoint. 

Typically I'm a fun person, I love and I mean love to "cut up".  I try to have a good time where ever I go whether its church, a social gathering and even work.  But recently things changed for me at work.  While I enjoy having fun with my co-workers and my bosses, yes there's more than one, a recent experience made me feel otherwise.  As in the Brady Bunch song, "here's the story".

One of the directors who I frequently have conversations including "joking" around, nothing to serious and never disrespectful recently interrupted a conversation between me and a co-worker.  She did so by quickly stating "oh here I go being rude interrupting y'alls (yes she said y'alls I live the in South, lord help me) and then turned to me and said "ok smarty I know you have something clever to say" and laughed.  She was right I had something to say since I thought this was an invitation to speak.  So I said, "of course you're interrupting we expect nothing more" lol.  Her response while she too was laughing was "hey, don't forget I have a "D" in front of my name.  BTW - the D is for Director.  First of all with my smart mouth I wanted to say is "D" for Dick because you're sure acting like one.  Instead, I chuckled with her and said "I hear ya" and walked away.  She never knew what hit and trust she thinks things are still the same, but I know different.

See her "D" comment although said in "joking" way was a subtle attempt at letting me know you can joke with me but I'll always win because of who I am.  For me conversational banter is a two-way exchange but yet for this individual she's OK with it as long as she can throw her title as a shut down move.  Personally I think it's a punk move that defies the whole "we'll really a team" concept.  You can't call yourself a team and behave in a hierarchical mode when it suits you.  That's not being a Director that's being a spoiled "mean girl" brat!  However, for me it was a revelation to shut it down.  Going forward I have to put things into perspective and treat work as "work", which means my arrival is to work, put on my headphones and only speak when needed professionally.  It's a stark contrast to who I am and I truly hate it.  But when I balance the evils of this change, the consequence of the hood in me to break on my boss far outweighs me keeping quiet.  The good part is me keeping quiet will give me a great insightful perspective of my surroundings which means more Blacktina articles, bear with me :)

Peace out,
Blacktina

The Alma Awards aka The Latin Oscars and Grammys All in One!

Last night I had happened to come across The Alma Awards.  Trust that I'm not using the words come across lightly,  my viewing was purely accidental.  As it happens my husband is an avid MSNBC watcher and as he turned to check on some news broadcast he "came across" Aimee Garcia and David Zayas (Jamie and Batista from Dexter fame) accept an award.  Because of my love for Dexter he felt compelled to yell from the bedroom and have me turn to MSNBC.  By the time I got to the show it was probably about an hour in.  Now I can rant and rave about how I find it unusual that an awards show honoring the achievement of Latinos who are the majority minority of this country is scheduled for a Friday night on a cable news network is besides me.  I guess The Almas does not have enough of a perceived viewership to have an ABC, CBS, NBC or hell even Fox time slot. But enough said, we shouldn't be surprised since this is what we're use to with the NAACP Image Awards; it's always a shock that its on, smh..........

But nonetheless I watched and here's my commentary.  First of all I like to view these shows to see the hidden Latinos, you know the "Martin Sheen's".  These are the ones that we had no idea they were Hispanic until their either presenting and start to really use those "R's" or receiving an award.  It kills me how they tote race pride yet in any Entertainment Tonight interview you'll never hear Viva La Raza! But now all of sudden your abuelita Esmeralda was your inspiration, just shoot me now. Before we load the gun, let's move on to the next "Oh my goodness" moment.

During the after show, yes they really had a after show, I guess they're modeling the BET Awards concept.  But during this "insightful" telecast we had the privilege of hearing from the President of National Council of La Raza (NCLR),  Janet Murguia who boasted the achievement of Hispanics in which it has taken them 20 years to be recognized in the arts.  Anyone reading the last sentence should be doing the Scooby Doo screech or at the very least a raised eyebrow.  20 years, Janet WTF are you talking about?  Your statement probably has Desi Arnez, Ricardo Montalban, Cesar Romero turning in their graves.  Furthermore, do you know anything about Cheeta Rivera or Rita Moreno? Hell The Almas had an Anthony Quinn award.  Again, WTF are you talking about?  Did you forget about Freddie Prinze ala Chico and The Man, and as one of my besties noted, the theme song was by Jose Feliciano.  I'm not sure if Janet meant a particular sector of Hispanics haven't been recognized, but as far as I know The Almas is for all comprising of the Latino race, not just a mere sector!  What made this more profound is no one on the "panel" corrected her.  Which made me say WTF have y'all been in the last 20 years?  Janet's statement made me think and I'm going in here, the Gays, always talking about secluded abuse.  Really!?!?! Granted at times it may have happened but you damm well know it isn't the same. Hispanics has not nor will ever be completely shut out, but yet they will shut out others.   

If you don't believe me just like look at the Little Miss Hispanic pageant in Delaware in which officials stripped a mini me Blacktina because she wasn't latino enough.
Read on if you want clarification.  http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/news/2013/09/27/7-year-old-beauty-queen-stripped-title-for-not-being-latina-enough/    
But here Janet and others on the panel want to cry the woo is me unfair scenario.  Before you whine I suggest you get your shit in order and recognize your inner racisms, and maybe then your achievements will be more profound.  Until you get right and clean up your own house don't expect the rest of us to visit.

And lastly, does the iPad have a timer? If so, Rosario Dawson needs to use it.  I'm sure her speech was probably riveting but who the hell would know since she spoke so damm much and too damm fast. That was just RIDICULOUS, sort of like the show, the time frame and the commentary!  Just realized there's my answer, no wonder why it was on MSNBC, LOL.

Peace Out,
Blacktina 

Janet Murguía,

Is it Me or You?

Randall Kerrik, Johnathan Ferrell

Last weekend in Charlotte, NC Johnathan Ferrell an unarmed 25 year old FAMU graduate was shot and killed by police officer Randall Kerrik.  As I write this I wish this were a new occurrence or at the very least something that would shock me, but regrettably I feel neither.  As I heard the officer was charged all I could think of was why bother he's going to get away with it anyway; so don't waste our time with the hype, the marches, the special "probed" investigation. We all know how the story ends.  The jury will find the officer innocent cause he feared for his life, exercised the necessary precautions, blah, blah and Mr. White Officer goes home, while again we lose another black man.

At this point I don't many others who aren't desensitized by these types of events.  We've seen it with Travyon Martin, Sean Bell, Amadou Diallo, Oscar Grant, Emmitt Till and countless other unnamed victims.  The introspection of my desensitization made me realize that it wasn't that I longer cared, it was that I understood the root of the problem, which is, it not us but THEM and their FEARS.

Why are white people so afraid of black people? And I mean afraid to the point where they shoot first, not just once but multiple times, at least more than 10.  Almost as to ensure you better be dead! Apparently we're not all cut out like 50 Cent who can get shot multiple times and live.  The reality is white people have this panicked fear of us.  Never have we seen a case in which a white person shot and killed an unarmed person of any race more than we have seen with black people, not even during 9/11 when middle easterners were perceived as the enemy.  When  I look at these events I just shake my head, because I just don't get it! Why are you afraid? Historically you have been the dominant race, enslaved us and to this day supersede us educationally and economically. So why the fear?

Some may say the fear comes of out of white guilt, but I think the fear comes from the perceived take over. Similar to slavery, when a negro became insolent they received the whipping of a life time and at times even murder.  This was the white man's way of keeping us in line cause they thought we were savages and could erupt at any minute. Is this still the perception? White people will NEVER ADMIT to their fears, after all only a social misfit would agree to such a thing.  But for once in our lives we need them to be honest; I know that's a stretch.  The bullshit talk of I'm not racist, I have black friends, I'm for equality in hiring, housing, etc. doesn't mean shit to me if you innately have a panicked fear of me.  That fear will and it already has transcended to your descendants.  Their isn't a white person today who has owned a black person, yet they carry ancestral perceptions.  You may ask, how can that be? Well look at what's been happening since slavery ended nearly 150 years ago and tell me it has not.  To quote President Obama "the look of white woman clutching their purses", "car doors looking", "the department store personal security escort", all stems from a fear they don't want to admit but will easily act on.

Honestly I'm tired of the marches, the talks that we have to fix ourselves first, and all the typical diatribe that goes with these events.  I wish someone will really hit to the root of the problem and tell white people, No you're the problem, you're the issue, you're the one with a panic fear, you're the one who needs work, not us.  Yes, we definitely have some problems we can work on, what race doesn't.  However, when I look at these men who were murdered none of them were Pookie from the hood, which tells me it doesn't matter if we have a degree from FAMU, all that matters is the color of our skin and what is innately feared as uncontrollable savages who have to be put down like rabid dogs.  For the most part African Americans are always working hard at trying to fix themselves, but now it's time for white people to fix themselves, cause if they don't why do we even need to bother.

Peace Out,
Blacktina